tips

Practise Out Loud—Multiple Times

Reading your eulogy silently is completely different from speaking it aloud. Practise delivering your eulogy out loud at least 3-5 times before the service. This helps you:

• Identify difficult passages where emotion might overwhelm you
• Find awkward phrasing that reads well but sounds strange when spoken
• Get comfortable with the rhythm and pacing
• Build muscle memory so even if emotion hits, you can continue
• Time your delivery accurately
• Become emotionally prepared for the content

Each time you practise, you'll find it slightly easier. The content won't hurt less, but you'll be better prepared to manage the emotion.

Print in Large, Clear Font

When you're emotional, nervous, or the lighting isn't perfect, small text becomes difficult to read. Print your eulogy with these specifications:

• Font size: 14-16 point minimum (larger than standard documents)
• Font choice: Clear, simple fonts like Arial, Calibri, or Times New Roman
• Spacing: 1.5 or double spacing between lines
• Margins: Wide margins so text isn't cramped
• Page numbers: Number every page clearly at the top
• Paper quality: Heavier paper that won't shake as much if your hands tremble

Print multiple copies: Keep one for yourself, give one to your backup person (more on this below), and perhaps give one to the funeral director or celebrant as an extra safety net.

Designate a Backup Person

This is crucial and often overlooked. No matter how prepared you are, emotion might overwhelm you. Having a backup person removes pressure and actually makes it more likely you'll be able to deliver the eulogy yourself.

Choose someone who:

• Knew your loved one well
• Is comfortable speaking publicly
• Can step in seamlessly without making it awkward
• Understands they might need to take over mid-eulogy

Prepare them by:

• Giving them a copy of your eulogy in advance
• Having them sit where they can easily reach you
• Agreeing on a subtle signal if you need them to take over
• Letting them know it's okay to step in if you're struggling

Knowing someone has your back paradoxically makes it easier to attempt it yourself.

Arrive Early and Familiarise Yourself with the Space

Arriving early reduces anxiety and helps you feel more in control. Use this time to:

• Stand at the lectern or speaking position: Get comfortable with where you'll be standing
• Adjust the microphone: Set the height and test the sound if possible
• Place your eulogy: Practice setting your papers down and turning pages
• Check lighting: Make sure you can see your notes clearly
• Identify your backup person's seat: Know where to look if you need help
• Locate tissues and water: Have them within easy reach
• Take deep breaths: Use this quiet time to centre yourself

This preparation eliminates small uncertainties that can add to your stress during the actual service.

Slow Down—Much More Than You Think

When we're nervous or emotional, we naturally speak faster. For eulogies, this is particularly problematic because:

• Attendees need time to process emotional content
• Speaking too fast makes emotion harder to control
• People might miss important stories or details
• Rapid speech conveys nervousness rather than honouring your loved one

How to slow down:

• Consciously pause at the end of each sentence—count to two before continuing
• Take a breath at every paragraph break
• Pause longer after important stories or particularly emotional passages
• If you feel yourself rushing, stop mid-paragraph, take a breath, and reset your pace

Make Eye Contact, But Strategically

Eye contact creates connection, but in a funeral setting, you need to be strategic about it.

Do make eye contact with:

• Friendly, supportive faces in the audience
• Family members who are nodding or smiling through tears
• Your backup person occasionally
• The back of the room periodically to include everyone

Avoid extended eye contact with:

• People who are visibly very upset—their emotion can trigger yours
• Anyone who might make you lose composure
• Your own children if seeing their grief overwhelms you

Balance is key: Look up from your notes regularly to connect with attendees, but don't feel you need to maintain constant eye contact. It's completely acceptable to keep your eyes on your eulogy for most of the delivery, looking up at natural pause points.

Manage Emotion with Breath and Pauses

You will become emotional—that's not just acceptable, it's expected and appropriate. The key is managing emotion so you can continue rather than trying to suppress it entirely.

When you feel emotion rising:

1. Pause immediately—stop mid-sentence if needed
2. Take a slow, deep breath—in through your nose, out through your mouth
3. Look down at your notes—this gives you a moment to compose yourself
4. Take a sip of water—this provides a natural pause and physical relief
5. When ready, continue—you don't need to apologise or explain

If tears come:

• Let them—don't fight them
• Use tissues without embarrassment
• Take as long as you need to compose yourself
• Everyone understands—no one is judging you

Use Physical Anchors

Physical sensations can help ground you when emotion threatens to overwhelm. These subtle techniques can help maintain composure:

• Place both hands on the lectern: The physical steadiness helps create emotional steadiness
• Feel your feet on the floor: Grounding yourself physically provides stability
• Press your thumb to your fingers: This subtle movement gives you something to focus on
• Hold something meaningful: A photo, a piece of jewellery, or an item that belonged to your loved one can provide comfort
• Focus on your breathing: In through nose, out through mouth, steady and slow

These physical anchors give your nervous system something to focus on besides overwhelming emotion.

Remember Your Purpose

When anxiety or emotion threatens to overwhelm you, refocus on why you're doing this:

• You're honouring someone you loved
• You're sharing their story with people who cared about them
• You're giving their memory a voice
• You're providing comfort to other mourners
• You're fulfilling a final act of love

This isn't about performing perfectly—it's about honouring authentically. Your loved one wouldn't want you to suffer through this. They'd want you to do your best, forgive yourself for any imperfections, and focus on the love behind your words.

Give Yourself Permission to Step Away

Despite all preparation, you might reach a point where you simply cannot continue. This is okay. This is human. This is understandable.

You have several options:

• Hand off to your backup person: They continue from where you stopped
• Take a longer pause: Sit down for a minute, compose yourself, then return to finish
• Ask someone to read while you stand beside them: You stay present but don't have to speak
• Stop and return to your seat: What you did manage to say still honours your loved one

There is no shame in any of these choices. Losing someone you love is devastating. Attempting to speak through that grief is courageous. Whether you complete the entire eulogy or manage only part of it, you've honoured your loved one.

What not to do: Don't force yourself through if you're having a panic attack, can't breathe, or are becoming physically unwell. Your health and wellbeing matter.