Remember Me / She Is Gone
The famous funeral poem by David Harkins
Why the "She Is Gone" Poem is a Popular Choice
Many families in Perth select the "She Is Gone" poem (officially titled "Remember Me") because it offers a balanced and "Intellectually Honest" perspective on loss. Rather than focusing solely on grief, this reading highlights the power of gratitude. Consequently, the she is gone poem remains a pillar of memorial services across Western Australia for those wishing to celebrate a life well-lived.
Or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
Or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
Be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
The Origins of "Remember Me" by David Harkins
Originally written in 1981, the "She Is Gone" text provides a roadmap for moving forward while protecting the legacy of a home. Although often called by its first line, the poem is formally titled "Remember Me." You can explore more about its cultural impact at The Poetry Foundation to see why it resonates globally.
Professional Tips for Reading "She Is Gone"
- ✓ Use this reading for "Celebration of Life" services with an uplifting tone.
- ✓ Modify the pronouns (she/he/they) to suit your family's needs.
- ✓ Ensure the reader pauses between stanzas to let the choices sink in.
Who This Poem Suits
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep is one of the most universally requested funeral poems in Australia, and for good reason. Its message is accessible to people of any background — religious, secular, agnostic — because it grounds itself entirely in the natural world rather than in doctrine or theology. The comfort it offers is immediate and tangible: your loved one is not gone, but transformed into the wind, the rain, the light.
It suits families holding outdoor memorial services particularly well — ash scattering ceremonies at sea or in bushland, graveside services in open cemeteries, or celebrations of life in parks and private gardens. When the natural imagery in the poem mirrors the setting around those gathered, the effect is quietly powerful.
It is equally appropriate for indoor chapel services. Families who want to offer comfort without invoking religion often find this poem does exactly that — it acknowledges loss while refusing to accept absence, and it does so in language that anyone can receive.
Delivering the Poem at a Service
The poem's rhythm is its greatest asset when read aloud. Each line is short and self-contained, which means a reader can pause briefly after each one — letting the image settle before moving to the next. "I am a thousand winds that blow" lands very differently when the reader pauses after it than when it's rushed into the next line.
The poem works best read slowly, with quiet confidence. It is not a lament — it is an instruction and a reassurance. A reader who understands this delivers it as a gift to those listening, not as an expression of their own grief. For family members who are struggling emotionally, asking a friend or celebrant to read it may serve the poem better than reading it themselves.
For outdoor services, particularly ash scattering at sea or in nature, consider reading the poem at the moment of scattering rather than during a formal service. The words take on a different dimension when spoken in the landscape they describe.
Placement Within the Service
| After the eulogy | The most common placement — following the spoken tribute, the poem shifts the tone from remembrance to comfort, offering those gathered a sense of peaceful resolution. |
| At the committal | Read at the graveside or at the moment of committal at a crematorium, the poem's closing line — "I am not there. I did not die." — makes it one of the most fitting readings for the moment of final farewell. |
| During ash scattering | Read aloud as ashes are scattered in a meaningful location. The natural imagery mirrors the act itself, making the reading feel entirely integrated with the moment. |
| As a closing benediction | The final lines provide a definitive, uplifting close to any service. Read as guests prepare to leave, it sends them out with a sense of continuing presence rather than absence. |
The Story Behind the Poem
Mary Elizabeth Frye was an American businesswoman and poet who wrote this poem in Baltimore in 1932. The circumstances are touching: a young Jewish woman living in her home was grieving the death of her mother in Germany and felt unable to travel to visit her grave. Frye, moved by her friend's distress, wrote the poem on a paper bag — she later said she had no idea where the words came from.
For decades the poem circulated anonymously, which contributed to uncertainty about its authorship. It appeared on memorial cards, in newspapers, and at funerals around the world without attribution. Frye was eventually confirmed as the author in the 1990s, decades after the poem had already become one of the most widely read funeral poems in the English-speaking world.
The poem entered mainstream Australian consciousness particularly through the 1990s, when it began appearing regularly at funerals and in order of service booklets across the country. Its Australian popularity may reflect something about how Australians relate to the natural world — the imagery of wind, sunlight, rain, and birds in flight resonates deeply in a culture where the landscape is central to identity and the outdoor memorial is a genuine tradition.
Related Readings and Poems
If this poem resonates with your family, these readings share a similar tone — finding the presence of loved ones in the world around us:
- She Is Gone (He Is Gone) — a contemporary poem offering a similar message of release and continuing presence, widely used across Australia for its warmth and accessibility.
- The Irish Blessing — a traditional Celtic prayer with similar natural imagery, offering comfort through the idea of a safe and continued journey.
- All Is Well (Death Is Nothing At All) — a spiritual reading offering profound reassurance, suited to families who want a faith-based reading with a similar message of peace and continuing presence.
- Crossing the Bar by Alfred Lord Tennyson — a classic literary poem about death as passage, sharing this poem's sense of transition rather than ending.
Browse our full Funeral Readings and Poems collection for more options across religious, secular, and contemporary styles.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep in the public domain?
Yes. Mary Elizabeth Frye died in 2004 and the poem has been confirmed as her work. Under Australian copyright law, works enter the public domain 70 years after the author's death, which means the poem will remain under copyright until 2074. However, its use at private funeral services for non-commercial purposes is generally considered fair use. If you intend to reproduce it in a printed order of service, this is standard practice at funerals across Australia and is not typically a concern.
Is this poem appropriate for a child's funeral?
Yes — with some care in how it is introduced. The poem's imagery is gentle and accessible to children, and its message that a loved one continues in the natural world can be genuinely comforting to young people. For a child's funeral, the poem can be particularly powerful read by a parent or sibling. A celebrant can introduce it in age-appropriate language so younger children understand its meaning.
Can this poem be used at a non-religious service?
Absolutely — it is one of the most popular choices for secular funerals and celebrations of life precisely because it contains no religious language. Its comfort is entirely rooted in the natural world. Many families specifically choose it when they want a reading that offers hope and warmth without theological content.
How long does the poem take to read aloud?
Read at a thoughtful, unhurried pace with brief pauses between stanzas, the poem takes approximately 60–90 seconds. This makes it an ideal length for a funeral reading — substantial enough to feel meaningful, brief enough not to overextend a service.